Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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