My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
