Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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