Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
