im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
