every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
