I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
