Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
