Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
