"it" just moved
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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