I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I fill condoms, not promises.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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