alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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