Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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