Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
