I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize