Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
