you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
