your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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