And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
