i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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