You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
that's an acceptable place to lick
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
