"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
