I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
