just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
