i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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