Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i love accidental penises.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
