apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't think brook has ever known best
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
