The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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