Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I skipped work to stalk him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
