I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
