there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
