grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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