Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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