he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
