Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
