I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
