ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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