he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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