ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
