i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
