found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
