In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Damn victory sex feels great
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