I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
