The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
