im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
