he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
