He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
