masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
