i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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