That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
