the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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