Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
