I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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