Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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