Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
