If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
