So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
