I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
