He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
