Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
