i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
