We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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