well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize