He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
