This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
