Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
