I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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