Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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