They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
